A Happy Family: Fictionist

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Fictionist

Go HERE and vote for our Uncle Aaron's band Fictionist to be on the cover of Rolling Stone Magazine! They're pretty awesome and Noah pretty much worships his uncle Aaron... and Stuart. Noah and Spence pretend they're Aaron and Stuart, it's pretty darn adorable. Vote for them NOW!!!

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Oh Noah and Spence... you're special!

The thoughts and sayings of two bros aka, Batman and Robin, or Bruce and Dick.

I just found Spencer coloring his tummy brown with a marker. When I asked him what he was doing he said, "just growing up into an Indian Mom, that's what I'm going to be when I'm all growed up."

I just asked Noah if he wanted to go shopping with me. He said, "MOM do I look like a girl? Do I look like the kind of boy who likes to go out and buy coupons and stuff? No! I don't want to go with you!" he's becoming too cool for me!

Spencer: Mommy? When I can grow up and get some sperm?

Me: What the heck??!

Spencer: Mom, remember when my name used to be Dick Grayson? You can call me Fang now.

I was dancing at the dinner table and Spencer said, "Mom, what are you trying to do? Make me throw up?"

Spencer came running up to me while at a family party and says, "Uh, Mom. I just touched something yucky. But it wasn't real!" I don't know why, but I knew he was talking about a dead animal. Turns out, he picked up a dead squirrel and played with it. Why child!? Why??

Noah: Daddy is so strong, like Batman AND Robin, right Mom?

Me: Sure

Spencer: But Dad can't ride on a motorcycle though... cause he's a lawyer, and lawyers can't ride motorcycles.

I was getting Spencer ready for his swim lesson and stared to slather him up with sun screen. He starts squirming around and says "MOM! Stop it!! Stop trying to put all your makeup on me! I'm not a girl!"

Spencer has been asking us what different words mean lately. Tonight he asked, "Mom, what does GIRL mean?" before I could respond Noah says "Girl means, a person who puts on makeup and takes forever." Nicely said Noah... nicely said.

Spencer: Mom, does Dad like those things?

Me: What things?

Spencer: Those boobs on you.

A mortified me: No he does not Spencer.

Spencer: Mommy, know what I want for Christmas??? A poop machine!!

Santa: What would you like for Christmas?

Spencer: A gun. A buzz lightyear gun with fire in it!

Santa: Well that sounds dangerous!

Spencer: Yup. It is.

Me: Spencie, what would you like for lunch?

Spencer: Umm... Dinner!

Noah: Mom? Does Luke Skywalker have the choking force too?
Me: I don't know Noah, I think just Darth Vader does that.

Noah: MOM! Why don't you know these things?! You never know anything!

Noah: Mom, pretty soon I'm gonna grow up and live with another girl. Not you. My new wife.

Noah is starting school and we were driving to his new classroom to meet his teacher. He was fidgeting in the back seat and says, "Mom? I feel so weird. Like, like I can't explain it." I asked him if he was a little bit nervous, and he says, "Yeah, I think... Like happy and nervous, and a little bit tangy." A little bit tangy??? I guess that's a good word to describe being nervous. :) I love this kid!

We were driving around in the car yesterday listening to a John Mayer CD. We pulled into our driveway and I turned the car off. Spencer was humming the Gravity song while I was unbuckling him from his car seat. I picked him up and he sang out in his highest voice, "Stay the hell away from me!" I just looked at him and smiled. If I react... he'll say it again.

Spencer: Mom, you're such a beautiful witch!

Spencer: Mommy, is there a wolf in your belly?
Me: No Spencie, there is a baby in there.
Noah: It's called a human bean Spencer.
Spencer: A human bean? But I don't want a bean! I want a wolf!

Spencer: Mom, I was worrying about you.

Noah to Nick: Hey BIG HEAD! I have something to show you.

Spencer came running into my room and threw some batteries on my bed. I asked him where he got them from. He replies, "From the bottom of my heart!" turns around and runs out the door.

Noah: I feel like a cowboy in tucker town!

Me: Noah please go clean up your mess!
Noah: Mom, I just hate this! I love to make messes! And I need to do what I love!
Me: Now Noah!
Noah: Mom? Why do we have a brother?
Me: Go Noah!
Noah: OH I know why we have a brother, so he can clean up our messes! I'll go get him!

We were explaining to Noah that there was a baby in my tummy and he was having the hardest time visualizing it!
Noah: So, is there gross dirty stuff on the baby in there? Like food and poop and blood?
Me: No Noah. (I showed him what the baby looks likes at this stage on the computer)
Noah: Oh! So it's like on Yo Gabba Gabba when that carrot goes in his tummy and that little ball says "so yummy!" is that what it's like? Does the baby say things in there? Does he say "So yummy!" when you eat food and it drops down to him?

Spencer: Jingle bells Jingle bells, jingle all my presents!

Noah: Dad? Why does a baby get born in a Mommy's tummy and then get born in her bum?

Spencer: Mom you so Awesome! Mom you so beautiful!

Spencer: Holy Goodness!! Holy Goodness Batman!

The boys were sitting at the table talking and eating a snack and Noah jumped off his chair and said "I have to go potty!" Nick and I were sitting on the couch and Nick told him to go to the bathroom. Noah started jumping around saying, "But Dad! I'm scared!" Nick told Noah to get his buns into the bathroom and he says "But Dad I'm scared!! Spencer keeps scaring me!" Nick and I just looked at each other and rolled our eyes... yeah Noah, the 20 month old is scaring you. Sounded more like an excuse to have someone in the bathroom with him to me!
Just as we were thinking that, Spence lifts his eyebrows and says in his deepest voice " NOOOAAAH... Spiders!! Spiders get you Noah! Spider eat you Noah! Get you! Eat you!"
HAHAHA! He's such a little bully!

Spencer was running around in cowboy boots and a diaper. He took his diaper off and sat on the ground. I walked over to put his diaper back on and he stands up holding his "manhood" and says, "Look Mom! Balloons!"

Noah and Spencer were running around with their capes on and took a pit stop to the bathroom. I was sitting on the couch and I heard them in the bathroom talking. Then I hear the tinkle tinkle of Noah going potty and Spencer says, "Haha Noah, pee pee ground." then Noah says, "It's ok Spencer, my Mom and Dad don't care." and that's why I have to clean their bathroom 3 times a week!

We were driving in the car and Poker face came on the radio. Noah starts singing along with the song, then they get to the chorus and he sings, " BA BA BA BA BA BA BA BA BUGGER FACE!"

I sent Noah to his room for a time out. He turned around with his face bright red, showed me his muscles and said, "You feline floozy!" I guess I was Cat woman for the day. :)

I was cleaning the bathroom this morning while Noah was upon the throne doing some business. I was cleaning the floor around the toilet and Noah says, "Mom, look into my eyes, you need to go put some makeup on. You're beautiful, but you look weird right now."

Sometimes I call Noah Stinky Britches, I guess today he called his friend that, but it sounded like Stinky Bitches. ~Note to self, NEVER USE THAT PHRASE AGAIN!

Noah: Mom, your looking Mr. Incredible beautiful right now.

Me: Noah please clean up your room!
Noah: Ok I'll get my kid to do it!
Me: Who's your kid?
Noah: Spencer!

Noah: Mom I'm looking for a wife in a yellow house. But I'll visit you sometimes.

Noah: When I growed up I'm changing my name to Bruce Wayne!

We were driving home from swim team and Noah asks, "Mommy? Can you get a mixture and mix it all up and then give it to me so it can change my voice to be like Batmans?"

Nick was in the master bathroom (imagine what he was doing in there) and Noah was laying on our bed trying to take a nap. I was sitting on the couch and he came walking out plugging his nose and says "Mom it smells like crap in your room! Can you go light a candle? It's Dad Mom, I think it's Dad in there."

This morning I was asking Noah to clean up his toys. I had asked him about fifty million times and I then told him if I had to say it again he was getting a time out. He replies, "UGH! I can hear you mom, but I wish I couldn't. UGH!! I wish I didn't have ears!" hahahaha! I couldn't help but laugh!

Noah: Mom? Am I gonna talk different when I turn 4?
Me: No Noah.
Noah: Am I gonna look different?
Me: Not really honey
Noah: WHAT???? YES I AM! I WILL BE 4!!!

Noah: I'm thinking about growing up right now mom.

I was making pancakes and I put a banana in the mix. I gave Noah his pancakes and he took a bite. "MOM!" he says, "Did you put a banana in here?" I told him that I did, so of course he starts whining about how he didn't want bananas in his pancakes. "Sorry Noah!" I said. "Ugh... I guess it's ok Mommy." he says, " Bad ideas sneak into girls brains sometimes."

Noah: Mom, I feel like my bum's gonna barf out gas!

Nick was speaking in Spanish to Noah, and he was getting irritated with the whole thing. He looks at Daddy and says, "Ugh, Dad I really don't have very much Spanish energy right now. I just have English energy."

We were walking outside and a bug flew in my eye. I was trying to get it out and Noah comes running over to me and says, "Oh no! Mommy is he pollinating your eye!"

Noah woke up in the middle of the night saying, "mommy, mommy!" so I went in and he was sitting up in his bed. I asked him what the matter was, and he says, "Can you fold me up?" I laid him back down and said, "Honey what does that mean?" he then says, "Yeah... can you just give me some more energy?" oh child.
It seems sleep talking has been passed on to him.

Noah: Mother, I presume that this is a worker ant.

Noah was singing in his bedroom and I went over to listen to him. This is what he was singing... In a high pitched voice I might add.
"Do I have a girlfriend? Technically no!"
He was singing that phrase over and over and over!!
He's so weird!

Noah was dancing in the living room, looks up at me and says, "Watch the heck, I can freak it out mom!"

The other night, we got the kids ready for bed and Noah had said his prayers and was all snugly in his race car bed. I was rocking Spence, and Noah kept talking. (of course) I kept telling him to be quiet. "MOM! Have you ever seen that movie back to the future?" He says. "Yes Noah, go to sleep." I said. "Mom!" He says. "I need to watch that movie right now, so I can change my life."

This morning Noah kept taking off his shirt and running around. When I asked him what he was doing he said, "just workin my packs." I had no idea what that meant, and I just decided I didn't need to know, and kept doing the dishes. He then started screaming "YEAH!! YEAH! YEAH!!" from the family room. I walked around the corner and he was pointing to different areas on his belly. He then looked up at me with the biggest smile and said, "MOM! I have a 9 pack! How many packs do you have?"
He's been hanging out with his uncle Anthony too much!

I was getting Noah's bed all comfy for him and he jumps in and starts rearranging his stuffed animals and his pillow and says under his breath, "You don't make any sense mom, you never make any sense." I just kinda stood there waiting for him to be done so I could tuck him in. After he (fixed) everything he lays down and says. "Ahhh... this makes sense to me."
Gees this kid really is weird! :)

Noah: Mom, I can't wait to teach Spencer how to be a teenager!

We went to the mall with my mom, and we were eating lunch at the Nordstrom cafe. Noah was tired and cranky. When he was finished with his meal he wanted to get down from his chair. I told him he had to wait till we all were finished with our lunch before he could get off. Well, he started freaking out and getting that wild, insane, desperate look in his eyes! And he says, "Mom!!! You're a a a Stinky butt!!" I turned around and gave him the look of death and said "excuse me? What did you just call me?" He then gets a petrified look on his face and says, "What? Nufin mommy, I didn't call you a stinky butt, I said I called you a beautiful princess! You didn't hear me mommy." I then smiled and said "Thats right Noah, Mommy's a princess." :)

Noah was getting into my purse and he came over to me holding some lip gloss and says, "Here mom you need to put this on, you don't look very good." always looking out for his mommy this kid. :)

Noah: Mom I think my light is turned off, I can feel it in my brains.

I got the babies (Jacob and Spencer) down for a nap this morning and Noah and I made tea and sat down next to the sliding glass door. It was nice and sunny out so I opened the door and we sat on the carpet. We cheers-ed our cups and Noah started taking loud sips. "Ahhhh" he said. "This is so Glaadde." I had no idea what in the world he was talking about! "What does that mean?" I asked him. "Ya know, like a scented candle." he says.
-Note to self... Turn off the TV!

Noah: Mom, you're my best girl!

Noah: Mom when I growed up I'm going to be a Lawyer. Then When I get even older I'm being a Cowboy!

Me: Noah please go pick up your room!
Noah: Awww... You're killing me smalls!

Noah: Mom! Spencer is bothering me! Can you put him in the closet?

Noah was being a bit naughty the other day, and I reminded him that he was going to be seeing Santa the next morning and he was going to ask him if he's been good. I asked him what he was planning on telling him, he said, "Mom I will just tell him I was good last year!"

Noah: Dad you're a turd!
Nick: What? Where did you learn that Noah!
Noah: At the poo store

Noah: Mommy I can't have very many oranges because they will go in my tummy, and then spice my bum out!

Noah: MOM... This is the deal. I'm going to get you an orange and you're gonna peel it for me. Got it!

Noah likes to have a sippy cup of milk in the morning when he wakes up. Sometimes he happens to awake at 5am! So we told him he can't have a sippy cup till everyone is awake. This has been a constant struggle in our house! He has gotten a lot better I might add. Instead of crying next to our bed he'll stand there and look at us for awhile then eventually wander back to his bed and go back to sleep. Well this morning Nick and I woke up to Noah staring at us (it's a little freaky I know) with a little smirk on his face. He said "Dad! You made me so HAPPY this morning when you got up and filled my sippy cup up with milk! Oh wait... You didn't do that! Can you get me some milk now!" Crazy boy.

MOM! When I grow up I'm gonna get a BMW race car and drive super fast to law school!

Noah: MOM! Lets go to the Halloween party!
Mom: Just a minute Noah I have to feed Spencer first.
Noah: Aw come on mom! Do it at the spooky party, everyone there is gonna want to see your boobies!

Noah Came running out of the bathroom this morning saying, "MOM! Guess what? I just peed, sneezed and farted at the same time!" He sure is talented!

Noah: Mom, call Dad. I think he might be hungry. Awww poor little Daddy, he might be hungry! Call him right now!

We were on our way home from Noah's field trip and he was VERY tired. He kept mumbling something in the back of the car but I could not understand what he was saying. All of a sudden he starts screaming and yelling, "My eyeballs! My eyeballs! I can't find them!" I looked back at him and he was rubbing his eyes and I told him not to worry, his eyeballs were there. He started crying then says, "But mom! I can't feel any whole balls!"

Noah: Dad you're not funny anymore.
Nick: What? Why do you say that?
Noah: Well when people are funny, I tell them they are funny. When they are not... I tell them that they are not funny. And you're not funny.

Noah was getting his hair cut and the stylist asked him how it looked. "I look very sexy today!" he says.

Mom is Heavenly Father glad that Batman is really strong?

Noah was asking Nick to show him what the inside of your head looks like. So Nick had the computer out and he was showing him pictures of brains. Noah then says, "Ok dad now show me what the inside of girls boobies looks like." Does this fascination start so young?!!??!:)

Noah saying his prayers: Please bless Daddy that he will make new discoveries amen!

Noah: mommy, do you remember when you yelled at me? That hurt my feelings momma, you should not do that because I'm just a sweet little guy.

The other night Nick and I woke because of some strange noises. It was about 1am in the morning and we go out into the family room and there is Noah with all the lights turned on. He was sitting on the carpet with a box a cereal watching TV. Couldn't sleep I guess. :)

A couple Sundays ago Nick had Noah on his lap during church and Nick put a piece of gum in his mouth. For some reason Nick thought it would be a good idea to breath his minty fresh breath on Noah's face. Noah then proceeds to say (loudly I might add) "Ewww... Dad! Your breath smells like..." Nick slapped his hand over Noah's mouth before he could say what was inevidable! No matter what Daddy's breath might smell like Noah will always tell him his breath smells like poo poo! I don't know what he was thinking!!

For some reason when Noah is getting in trouble he likes to say things that don't make any sense at all to try and deveate you from saying anymore! The other night Noah pooped in his pants and Nick was changing him and cleaning up the mess and having a little discussion with him about not going potty in his pants. After his long talk Nick looked at him and said "Don't do that again ok?" Noah looked at Nick and said "But dad, I don't know how to prove it!" What?!?!?

Noah: Mom can you get me something to drink? Can you? Can you do that for me? Can you mamma! Tell me the truth!

My all time Favorite!
Nick: Come on Noah lets change your diaper. (when he wore them)
Daddy lays Noah down on the floor...
Noah: Aww... Dad! Come on Dad! My back is killing me!

Noah: Hey... do you think you can set me up with some orange juice?

One day Noah asked me while we were driving in the car if I was a retard. UH NO! I said! Don't say that word! So of course he got that little smirk on his face and started saying retard. I got really mad at him and told him that wasn't a nice thing to say... he sat there for awhile then said, Can I saw rotard?
Needless to say now anything that is deemed a "bad word" he tries to mix it up a bit. Shut up = Shut- ipe, he has told me to "shut- ipe" a few times. We all have to be very careful about what we say around the house now... he's just waiting for us to say a bad word!

A Happy Family

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Fictionist

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Oh Noah and Spence... you're special!

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